Bam: I know it sounds a little mean...but I don't care.
April:
You were gonna leave us there. Bam: Uh, yeah.
Bam: Warning, do not play with fire extinguishers or this is what will
happen. (Raab is shown with his eyes all messed up)
Bam: So what are the glasses for? Rake: They prevent high intensity
protons from hitting my eyeballs. Bam: HIGH INTENSITY PROTONS!
Don Vito: Howdyaa get this stupid room!
Everytime
Don Vito yells jibberish out and its captioned at the bottom of the screen.
Don Vito: I can't even get laid in this
room...I'm gonna take the shampoo and stuff...AH, now you got me locked in!
Don Vito: Habberda whabber!
Don
Vito: Don't give her a ring, she'll keep it.
Bam: Ape, Phil and Vito have a 3 day weekend and its special at that. Why
don't you tell em why bran. Brandon: Well, you see..(SMACK) Bam: Don't tell em, you'll spoil it.
Rake: When you
said that there was gonna be a tunnel you didn't say I had to dig it.
Raab: I got April's car..I got her keys..HAHAHAHA!
Dunn:
Don't laugh at me..this is serious.
Bam: Are they humping?
Raab: Good morning Phil. Bam: It's don't feed
phil day. 24 hours no food what so ever. You said you could do it, now I'm puttin you to the test. Good Luck fat boy.
Brandon:
Can't eat can ya..hmmhmm..I can.
Brandon: Isn't your belly bubbling with hunger? Don't ya just want some of this?
Raab:
That was f*cked up dude!
Raab: Get em Dunn.
Raab: Don't let them talk bout that dude!
Ape: You've been
watching Trading Spaces from hell!
Bam: Merry Christmas you little jerks!
Bam: I bet you kids dreamt of having
a fire pole in your rooms. Well I beat you to the punch you little jerks.
Bam: Straight outta compton! Compton
Ass Terry: Straight outta compton! Bam: Hey Phil, you know where Terry's from? Phil: Uh, compton?
Bam: Hey, Slayer's
comming tomorrow. Dunn: Tomorrow? Tell em to come today! (Gets mud thrown at him) Tomorrow's fine.
Ape: You better
run Glomb!
Bran: You know, nobody's really a winner here. (Don Vito slaps him)
Bam: We're using Rake as a test
dummy! Rake: Test dummy?
Raab: Fast Eddie's here I come!
Don Vito: I wanna go to Mardi Grass! Tony Hawk's
ruinning it! Bam: Guess what Vito I'm going skatin! Don Vito: Whabber daf foj beglat... Bam: I'm going Skatin! Don
Vito: That's why your not having any kids, since you racked your balls before!
Bam: Can I build a draw bridge? Phil:
Ask your mom.
Don Vito: Christmas is over, now knock it the hell off! Bam: Hey Vito, how'd your ass get all wet?
Dunn:
I wish we did crazy sh*t like this at my house! Bam: You don't have a house. Dunn: Oh yeah.
Dunn: What kind of
shuvle would you use to dig a tunnel with? Vito: I wouldn't, I would just a some idiots to do it for me. (Bam, RAke,
Bran, other dude are shown trying to dig a tunnel)
Hank From Hell: What am I compared to Phil? Jenn: Your like a
baby!
Bam: You don't want puke from your own son?
Mum Mum: This whole family's crazy... you put that on your
MTV movie
Don Vito to Bran: How come they're not making you get a tattoo? Bran:
I don't have a dent....
Ape: You're lucky your my son. Bam: Why? Ape: 'Cause if you were someone elses kid I'd
HATE you.
Jenn: BAM, dunns touching stuff!
(Raab shakes the basket of crabs) Bam: Don't shake it you ass!
Bam:
Its easier to get slayer to play in your backyard than to get don vito a date.
April: Your a bunch of assies.
Dunn:
Did you just fart on my peach? Bam: Yeah, but it doesn't count because it wasn't a proper one.
Vito: Whats the big
deal with skateboarding anyway? you go back and forth two times and then your done.
Bam: I just got the worst wake
up ov my life... now im gunna take it out on Dunn.
April: "Is that my China Cabinet?!" Vito: "I know look at
my truck" April: "Who cares about your stupid truck!"
Bam: "Let's take a shower" Ryan: "Together??"
VITO:
Oh, look Today's "Abor" day, know look at my car its up a tree, never mention a holiday again Ape...
Bam: Well it
looks like vito got 1st place in the smash up durby, but he's driving a car filed with number 2.
Bam: The old people
and the trees have something in common, their both going to be in the ground soon.
Don Vito: Ape, I Can't believe
it, you got elephants coming in your house. April: I know but I'm letting you in anyway.
Bam: He painted Windex
gold - Your an idiot!
Bam: "Phil, whats youre favorite color?" Phil: " hey Ape, whats my favorite color?" ...
"well most men would say blue, so ill say blue."
Bam : Im gettin a tattoo that says FUCK on my chest MOM MOM : Ill
Disown You Bam : Ya cant MOM MOM : I already cut ya out of my will Phil : Whos left in your will mom jesse is right MOM
MOM : No he wasnt a virgin before he got married Phil : Thats impossible Bam : Thats crazy MOM MOM : In the olden
days people did it Bam : Youve gotta test drive the car before ya buy it MOM MOM MOM MOM : Im sure youve test drove
alot of cars.
Bam-"I thought of new hole." Dunn-"What?" Bam-"My foot up Rabb's
as*hole!"
Phil: "If Elvis was alive, we'd get something from Elvis.... but he's dead."
Tim Glomb: First
of all, lemme thank you for leaving me Dico! Yeah, he's been a real help. Next time, could you please leave me with someone
who can read a tape measure?
Don Vito: "There were no Jeeps in the Civil War! This doesn't make any sense!" Bam:"We're
from the future!"
Don Vito: Now you've got my eyes covered with ice-en-ning!
Don Vito:"How ya going to wipe
your ass down here?"
Don Vito:*wearing Knoxville's boxers* "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville."
BAM: Brandon, what
are you gonna do? DICO: *laughing* I just wanna sit here and download porn...and smut... BAM: *walks away* Fair enough... DICO:
(using laptop) Ew, the dog...
Bam: "I love my show."
Raab: "So you're from Moscow?" Debo: "What?" Raab:
"What's your favorite color?" Debo: "What?" Raab: "So do you want to go to a strip club or something?" Debo: "What?" Raab:
"What do you want to do while we're here in America?" Debo: "Marriage!"
Don Vito: "Usually the zero-zeros are
suites. Oh, my god. You can't even get laid in this room. I can't even fit in here. Where the hell am I to go to the
bathroom at?" "NO, you can't even lay $#!+. It's all crooked and $#!+. I gotta get out of here. I'm not staying in this
stupid room. Give me the free shampoo and stuff anyway. You better take me somewhere else.
Bam: "...We're also gonna
give Don Vito a soul patch. I don't know where the hair came from but how you like my new belt?" Raab: "...EWWWWWW."
Phil:
So...the house is safe? Bam: Nothing is really "safe"
Raab "Dunn try Triple A." Ryan "You think this vehicle has
Triple A?" Raab *points to three A's written on their car* "We got Triple A. We've got Triple A."
Bam: *talking
over the mic to Vito* Ask her if she likes your wandering eye! Vito: NO!
Brandon: *on the mic to Vito* Ask her
if she likes Slayer! Vito: *to Stephanie* You like Slayer? Stephanie: I've heard of them, yes... Brandon: Ask her
if she likes Slayer! Vito: *shouting* SHE SAID SHE LIKES SLAYER!
Bam -on video camera-: Well, we took a turn to
Skatopia, so we might not make it to Mardi Gras, but at least we're pissing Vito off!
(After Bam falls on a rail
skateboarding and hits his nuts) Bam: Hey Vito! I'm going skating Vito: How can you skate? You don't have nuts??
Don
Vito: TONY HAWK IS A CRIMINAL!
April: "Don't you feel good doing community service?" Don Vito: "No I don't. I'd
rather be at home watching Columbo"
Don Vito:"I don't have enough time to play stupid reindeer games with these
people."
Dunn: It aint gonna happen. Bam: Wanna bet, ass-whipe?
"We're packin all our shit, and bailin' out" - Bam Margera
"Dunn handles everything rough" - Bam Margera
Bam: "There is no way you could be Elvis"
Phil: "Well Elvis got chubby"
Bam: "Yeah, chubby, your full blown fat"
"Hey do you guys got size fat?" - Raab Himself
"TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON! geez bam i got places to go and people to see.." - Don Vito
"I don't like that you're green" - Johnny Knoxville
"We have to microwave the dog shit to bring it back to life so it reeks now." - Bam
"My brain isn't working now cause it's...choked." - Bam
Bam: "Dico, you comin' to Mexico?"
Brandon: "No. All the video games suck there. What am I gonna play? Uchre Kombat? El Street Fight Grande."
Bam: "Not every sentence is gonna be about food."
Vito: "Why not? And breasts."
Bam: "Alright then if Brandon and Rake aren't coming, then I gotta call my Finnish friends - The Dudesons."
Ryan: "That one guy doesn't shut the hell up, please don't call."
"The fuckin bus driver takes us to the middle of nowhere and says 'get out'." - Bam
"He never shuts the hell up. He's driving me crazy." - Phil
"El Hummer is el mine." - Vito
Vito: "Molesta la breasta."
Bam: "That's not what it is!"
Vito: "Yes it is!"
"That's what you do in the winter, you make snowmen." - Ryan
Cop: "Don't do anything stupid."
Bam: "I wasn't planning on it."
"I'll sleep between you and Phil, you'll barely notice me." - Ryan
"Is it icier than ice?" - Brandon
April: "You promised me no snow on the car!"
Brandon: "It's not on it, it's in it."
"I was gonna throw a snowball at it, then I realized it was mine." - Bam
"I'l make him twist and twirl like the beautiful sissy ice fairy he is." - Brandon
Guy: "Shut the truck off!"
Brandon: "Shut the fuck up?"
"This is the greatest job you could ever have. Look at all these awesome cows." - Brandon
Brandon: *puts hay on his head* "Don't I look like Rake? Booboobooboo..."
Rake: "You jerk off. Knock it the hell off."
Brandon: "Ooh someone get me some Pantene!"
"Sushi sir. I must beg you to come eat raw fish." - Brandon
"I am infected with your stupidity." - Ryan, to Vito
"The leaning tower of pizza you think it is." - Bam, to Vito
"This guy's not even in France yet and already he's acting all weird. H.R. kiss and shit." - Ryan
Bam: "Vito, why the hell are you taking a shower with the lights off?"
Ryan: "Even Vito can't stand to see himself naked!"
"Oh my God it smells like Bengay and bacon in here." - Ryan
"You got the stupidest show ever, why don't you knock it off?" - Vito
"I was at this autistic kid's keg party, then I came here." - Rake
"Go somewhere and be fat!" - Ryan
Ape: "Am I the only normal one here?"
Vito: "No Ape...I'm normal."
Bam: "Ask Deegan, he's the boss."
Vito: "What the hell's a Deegan?"
"It smells like Rake's butt. UHUHHH!" - Dico
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