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Bam: I know it sounds a little mean...but I don't care.
April:
You were gonna leave us there.
Bam: Uh, yeah.
Bam: Warning, do not play with fire extinguishers or this is what
will
happen. (Raab is shown with his eyes all messed up)
Bam: So what are the glasses for?
Rake: They prevent high intensity
protons from hitting my eyeballs.
Bam: HIGH INTENSITY PROTONS!
Don Vito: Howdyaa get this stupid room!
Everytime
Don Vito yells jibberish out and its captioned at the
bottom of the screen.
Don Vito: I can't even get laid in this
room...I'm gonna take the
shampoo and stuff...AH, now you got me locked in!
Don Vito: Habberda whabber!
Don
Vito: Don't give her a ring, she'll keep it.
Bam: Ape, Phil and Vito have a 3 day weekend and its special at that.
Why
don't you tell em why bran.
Brandon: Well, you see..(SMACK)
Bam: Don't tell em, you'll spoil it.
Rake: When you
said that there was gonna be a tunnel you didn't say I
had to dig it.
Raab: I got April's car..I got her keys..HAHAHAHA!
Dunn:
Don't laugh at me..this is serious.
Bam: Are they humping?
Raab: Good morning Phil.
Bam: It's don't feed
phil day. 24 hours no food what so ever. You
said you could do it, now I'm puttin you to the test. Good Luck fat
boy.
Brandon:
Can't eat can ya..hmmhmm..I can.
Brandon: Isn't your belly bubbling with hunger? Don't ya just want
some of this?
Raab:
That was f*cked up dude!
Raab: Get em Dunn.
Raab: Don't let them talk bout that dude!
Ape: You've been
watching Trading Spaces from hell!
Bam: Merry Christmas you little jerks!
Bam: I bet you kids dreamt of having
a fire pole in your rooms. Well
I beat you to the punch you little jerks.
Bam: Straight outta compton!
Compton
Ass Terry: Straight outta compton!
Bam: Hey Phil, you know where Terry's from?
Phil: Uh, compton?
Bam: Hey, Slayer's
comming tomorrow.
Dunn: Tomorrow? Tell em to come today! (Gets mud thrown at him)
Tomorrow's fine.
Ape: You better
run Glomb!
Bran: You know, nobody's really a winner here. (Don Vito slaps him)
Bam: We're using Rake as a test
dummy!
Rake: Test dummy?
Raab: Fast Eddie's here I come!
Don Vito: I wanna go to Mardi Grass! Tony Hawk's
ruinning it!
Bam: Guess what Vito I'm going skatin!
Don Vito: Whabber daf foj beglat...
Bam: I'm going Skatin!
Don
Vito: That's why your not having any kids, since you racked your
balls before!
Bam: Can I build a draw bridge?
Phil:
Ask your mom.
Don Vito: Christmas is over, now knock it the hell off!
Bam: Hey Vito, how'd your ass get all wet?
Dunn:
I wish we did crazy sh*t like this at my house!
Bam: You don't have a house.
Dunn: Oh yeah.
Dunn: What kind of
shuvle would you use to dig a tunnel with?
Vito: I wouldn't, I would just a some idiots to do it for me. (Bam,
RAke,
Bran, other dude are shown trying to dig a tunnel)
Hank From Hell: What am I compared to Phil?
Jenn: Your like a
baby!
Bam: You don't want puke from your own son?
Mum Mum: This whole family's crazy... you put that on your
MTV movie
Don Vito to Bran: How come they're not making you get a tattoo?
Bran:
I don't have a dent....
Ape: You're lucky your my son.
Bam: Why?
Ape: 'Cause if you were someone elses kid I'd
HATE you.
Jenn: BAM, dunns touching stuff!
(Raab shakes the basket of crabs)
Bam: Don't shake it you ass!
Bam:
Its easier to get slayer to play in your backyard than to get
don vito a date.
April: Your a bunch of assies.
Dunn:
Did you just fart on my peach?
Bam: Yeah, but it doesn't count because it wasn't a proper one.
Vito: Whats the big
deal with skateboarding anyway? you go back and
forth two times and then your done.
Bam: I just got the worst wake
up ov my life... now im gunna take it
out on Dunn.
April: "Is that my China Cabinet?!"
Vito: "I know look at
my truck"
April: "Who cares about your stupid truck!"
Bam: "Let's take a shower"
Ryan: "Together??"
VITO:
Oh, look Today's "Abor" day, know look at my car its up a tree,
never mention a holiday again Ape...
Bam: Well it
looks like vito got 1st place in the smash up durby, but
he's driving a car filed with number 2.
Bam: The old people
and the trees have something in common, their
both going to be in the ground soon.
Don Vito: Ape, I Can't believe
it, you got elephants coming in your
house.
April: I know but I'm letting you in anyway.
Bam: He painted Windex
gold - Your an idiot!
Bam: "Phil, whats youre favorite color?"
Phil: " hey Ape, whats my favorite color?"
...
"well most men would say blue, so ill say blue."
Bam : Im gettin a tattoo that says FUCK on my chest
MOM MOM : Ill
Disown You
Bam : Ya cant
MOM MOM : I already cut ya out of my will
Phil : Whos left in your will mom jesse is right
MOM
MOM : No he wasnt a virgin before he got married
Phil : Thats impossible
Bam : Thats crazy
MOM MOM : In the olden
days people did it
Bam : Youve gotta test drive the car before ya buy it MOM MOM
MOM MOM : Im sure youve test drove
alot of cars.
Bam-"I thought of new hole."
Dunn-"What?"
Bam-"My foot up Rabb's
as*hole!"
Phil:
"If Elvis was alive, we'd get something from Elvis.... but he's
dead."
Tim Glomb: First
of all, lemme thank you for leaving me Dico! Yeah,
he's been a real help. Next time, could you please leave me with
someone
who can read a tape measure?
Don Vito: "There were no Jeeps in the Civil War! This doesn't make
any sense!"
Bam:"We're
from the future!"
Don Vito: Now you've got my eyes covered with ice-en-ning!
Don Vito:"How ya going to wipe
your ass down here?"
Don Vito:*wearing Knoxville's boxers*
"Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville."
BAM: Brandon, what
are you gonna do?
DICO: *laughing* I just wanna sit here and download porn...and
smut...
BAM: *walks away* Fair enough...
DICO:
(using laptop) Ew, the dog...
Bam: "I love my show."
Raab: "So you're from Moscow?"
Debo: "What?"
Raab:
"What's your favorite color?"
Debo: "What?"
Raab: "So do you want to go to a strip club or something?"
Debo: "What?"
Raab:
"What do you want to do while we're here in America?"
Debo: "Marriage!"
Don Vito:
"Usually the zero-zeros are
suites. Oh, my god. You can't even get
laid in this room. I can't even fit in here. Where the hell am I to
go to the
bathroom at?"
"NO, you can't even lay $#!+. It's all crooked and $#!+. I gotta get
out of here. I'm not staying in this
stupid room. Give me the free
shampoo and stuff anyway. You better take me somewhere else.
Bam: "...We're also gonna
give Don Vito a soul patch. I don't know
where the hair came from but how you like my new belt?"
Raab: "...EWWWWWW."
Phil:
So...the house is safe?
Bam: Nothing is really "safe"
Raab "Dunn try Triple A." Ryan "You think this vehicle has
Triple A?"
Raab *points to three A's written on their car* "We got Triple A.
We've got Triple A."
Bam: *talking
over the mic to Vito* Ask her if she likes your
wandering eye!
Vito: NO!
Brandon: *on the mic to Vito* Ask her
if she likes Slayer!
Vito: *to Stephanie* You like Slayer?
Stephanie: I've heard of them, yes...
Brandon: Ask her
if she likes Slayer!
Vito: *shouting* SHE SAID SHE LIKES SLAYER!
Bam -on video camera-: Well, we took a turn to
Skatopia, so we might
not make it to Mardi Gras, but at least we're pissing Vito off!
(After Bam falls on a rail
skateboarding and hits his nuts)
Bam: Hey Vito! I'm going skating
Vito: How can you skate? You don't have nuts??
Don
Vito: TONY HAWK IS A CRIMINAL!
April: "Don't you feel good doing community service?"
Don Vito: "No I don't. I'd
rather be at home watching Columbo"
Don Vito:"I don't have enough time to play stupid reindeer games with
these
people."
Dunn: It aint gonna happen.
Bam: Wanna bet, ass-whipe?
"We're packin all our shit, and bailin' out" - Bam Margera
"Dunn handles everything rough" - Bam Margera
Bam: "There is no way you could be Elvis"
Phil: "Well Elvis got chubby"
Bam: "Yeah, chubby, your full blown fat"
"Hey do you guys got size fat?" - Raab Himself
"TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON! geez bam i got places to go and people to see.." - Don Vito
"I don't like that you're green" - Johnny Knoxville
"We have to microwave the dog shit to bring it back to life so it reeks now." - Bam
"My brain isn't working now cause it's...choked." - Bam
Bam: "Dico, you comin' to Mexico?"
Brandon: "No. All the video games suck there. What am I gonna play? Uchre Kombat? El Street Fight Grande."
Bam: "Not every sentence is gonna be about food."
Vito: "Why not? And breasts."
Bam: "Alright then if Brandon and Rake aren't coming, then I gotta call my Finnish friends - The Dudesons."
Ryan: "That one guy doesn't shut the hell up, please don't call."
"The fuckin bus driver takes us to the middle of nowhere and says 'get out'." - Bam
"He never shuts the hell up. He's driving me crazy." - Phil
"El Hummer is el mine." - Vito
Vito: "Molesta la breasta."
Bam: "That's not what it is!"
Vito: "Yes it is!"
"That's what you do in the winter, you make snowmen." - Ryan
Cop: "Don't do anything stupid."
Bam: "I wasn't planning on it."
"I'll sleep between you and Phil, you'll barely notice me." - Ryan
"Is it icier than ice?" - Brandon
April: "You promised me no snow on the car!"
Brandon: "It's not on it, it's in it."
"I was gonna throw a snowball at it, then I realized it was mine." - Bam
"I'l make him twist and twirl like the beautiful sissy ice fairy he is." - Brandon
Guy: "Shut the truck off!"
Brandon: "Shut the fuck up?"
"This is the greatest job you could ever have. Look at all these awesome cows." - Brandon
Brandon: *puts hay on his head* "Don't I look like Rake? Booboobooboo..."
Rake: "You jerk off. Knock it the hell off."
Brandon: "Ooh someone get me some Pantene!"
"Sushi sir. I must beg you to come eat raw fish." - Brandon
"I am infected with your stupidity." - Ryan, to Vito
"The leaning tower of pizza you think it is." - Bam, to Vito
"This guy's not even in France yet and already he's acting all weird. H.R. kiss and shit." - Ryan
Bam: "Vito, why the hell are you taking a shower with the lights off?"
Ryan: "Even Vito can't stand to see himself naked!"
"Oh my God it smells like Bengay and bacon in here." - Ryan
"You got the stupidest show ever, why don't you knock it off?" - Vito
"I was at this autistic kid's keg party, then I came here." - Rake
"Go somewhere and be fat!" - Ryan
Ape: "Am I the only normal one here?"
Vito: "No Ape...I'm normal."
Bam: "Ask Deegan, he's the boss."
Vito: "What the hell's a Deegan?"
"It smells like Rake's butt. UHUHHH!" - Dico
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